Soul Stirrings…

OMG, I know, it’s been a while…i really missed writing here…but alas, i had so much  work to do! Besides, they banned the friendster site at work so i can’t really access it during office hours (who ’sez? hehehehe…) i have so much to tell…stories to share…but i’ll leave it till the next blog…hehehe…Gosh, i really missed this…

On this day I say YES. Finally this day has come. Just when I thought it would never happen, just when I resigned myself to being alone, when I was already contented with my life.

YOU CAME.

Who would’ve thought you were there all along…..I was alone minding my own time, you came along unexpectedly. I’ve dilly dallied for so long, I guess was ready to fight you tooth and nail, but you were the only one strong enough to break down the walls I’ve built around me to protect myself from getting hurt. And today I’m giving in. Finally I’m giving myself fully. No longer can I contain the love I feel for you. And so….

On this day I say YES.

YES to LOVE

YES to YOU

YES to US.

By kyla

To Ryan, I’ m  looking forward in spending more beautiful days with you…thank you for making my heart smile….

I see beautiful days with you

I feel beautiful ways of loving you

You’ve touched my heart so deeply

And I can’t thank God enough

For all the beautiful days with you

I feel beautiful ways of loving you

Everything is just so wonderful

Every little thing is just so beautiful

When I spend it with you

You came along

In an unexpected time

It was so divine

Knowing you are mine

It feels so right

When I look into your eyes

I never knew that love

Could make me feel this way

I can’t wait for the day

When I can truly say

[repeat refrain]

You

Woh, oh woh

You

With you I felt fine

So right

I’ve sang so many songs in stages

With thousands of them watching me

But you’re here with me now

And I sing this song to you

To you, baby

Just for you

Just for you

[repeat refrain]

You

CRUSH OR BE CRUSHED?

(a psycho babble debate)

Nang magtalo ako at ang sarili ko

            Someone’s making my heart smile these past few days. I don’t know if this is good but God, I have a CRUSH *KILIG* my heart jumps just thinking about him: the way his eyes disappear whenever he laughs, his sweet unassuming ways. Ahhh, I don’t know, maybe I’m exaggerating his every little move, making it such a grandiose event, when he’s just being himself.

            But what worries me is if it’s right for me to feel this way. I know for a fact that harboring this will only lead me nowhere. I mean, he doesn’t feel the same way, for him, I am just a friend. At least I’m hoping I am, we don’t see each other as often as I would like and when we do see each other, it’s always in a group, so we haven’t really talked one on one. So it’s kinda pointless for me to allow myself to feel this way.

Pero bakit ba? Masaya lang naman ako na naiisip ko siya, inspirasyon dava? Hindi naman masama un no?

It’s not wrong yes, but pointless, that’s what i’m saying, bahala ka, sa bandang huli, ikaw lang and masasaktan.

Hala, napaka-nega naman nito, crush lang naman, hindi ko pa naman mahal ung tao, malaki pagkakaiba nun.

Fine, go at your own risk.

My, my, my, will you look at that, only an oddball like me can let a simple crush turn into an outrageous self-debate. This is crazy. But can I really blame myself? Past relationships has taught me to be distrustful, err, let’s just say, a wee bit more careful. Honestly, it’s starting to get tiring, to be always on your guard; keeping your walls up just to protect yourself from getting hurt again. Since when have I become a coward? Before, I used to dare love, and now I’m tip-toeing in its fragile walls careful not to let the dam break.

But can I really escape it?  Would I be brave enough to accept love in all its pain and glory? to face it in all its rawness and entirety?           

Hell yeah. IF and WHEN the right moment comes,

BRING IT ON.

But until then, I’m keeping my heart at bay, I will try with all my might not get carried away….

MY SONG FOR THE MOMENT….

UNA

By SPONGECOLA

I love you Yael!!!! :p

muli namang umihip sa akin

ang hangin ng pagiisa

liwanag kang dagling sumilaw

sa aking mga mata

linilingon, sinusundan

dumadalas ang minsan

ika’y naryan, abot tanaw

kahit walang dahilan

maiiwasan ba

ang bawat sandaling ika’y laman ng isip ko

(maiiwasan bang)

ngayo’y lilipas ng hindi kita nasisilayan

(magkamali sa’yo)

nararapat bang pigilan ang damdamin na

(maiiwasan bang)

lalong mahulog sa iyo

walang maitutulad sa sumpang iyong linikha

putulin man ang tali ay sadyang walang kawala

sa pagkaakit, at di paglapit

nananalangin, at umaasang

maiiwasan ba

ang bawat sandaling ika’y laman ng isip ko

(maiiwasan bang)

ngayo’y lilipas ng hindi kita nasisilayan

(magkamali sa’yo)

nararapat bang pigilan ang damdamin na

(maiiwasan bang)

lalong mahulog sa iyo

hindi padadala

hinding hindi padadala

hindi padadala

The Lonely Bug in the Love Month

(Confessions of a Single Drama Queen II)

 

I’ve said time and again that being single is no big deal. But there is no occasion that will rub your singleness in your face than Valentines Day. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against cupid’s month, but somehow, the lonely bug has gotten into me this year. Love songs are playing in the airwaves, flowers and chocolates abound, romance is definitely in the air, it’s so thick, you can stuck a straw and suck it. But despite the sappy atmosphere, I was in a somber mood. Knowing me, this is not good.

For some reason, my usual mood uppers (movie, strawberry cheesecake and a tall, hot, white chocolate mocha) don’t work their magic anymore.

I know, maybe I should begin an emergency mission to find a new boyfriend. I want to fall in love. That true, heart-wrenching love. The kind you can’t ignore, as much as you try to. You try not to think of him, but he pops into your head all throughout the day. You sit by the fire; you cuddle under the covers at night. Yeah, that sickening kind of love that you see other people swallowed up in. yeah, that’s what I want.

OmiGod!!!! What the heck is wrong with me????? The bug has bitten hard. Somebody slap me.

(to be continued)

*This is an excerpt from an article I wrote for our office publication, there was an incident in the office that prompted me to post this. For those of you who doesn’t know yet, I work in the same office with my Mom, (and yes, we don’t look the same, matapang dugo ng mga Rosales e, hehehe!!!) anyway, there is new Director assigned at our department, she was doing her rounds, and when she came into our office, my boss introduced me as  “ ’Yan anak yan ni Au” appaerently, she knew my mom, and she replied “ ah, sya? Ay naku, mas maganda nanay mo sau” I just laughed and said, “ay naku, tanggap ko na po un…” It was true, ok lang un, walang kaso.

Afternoon came, I was having a chat with the new employees in the commission, and one of them asked “ Yun bang kasabay mo lagi, ung sa 3^rd Flr, ano un, tita mo?” I replied “ HINDI, mommy ko, alam ko na, hindi ko sya kamukha, mas maganda sya, mas maputi sya?” He answered, “hindi naman, malay ko mas kamukha mo daddy mo, dib a?”

What is it with this day? Wala lang, I was just pissed, on normal days this won’t get to me, but, I was feeling extra sensitive that afternoon, at napikon ako. Ano gusto nyang palabasin, pangit tatay ko??? I know, that’s not what he meant, pero basta nainis ako.  I was browsing my files today, and I chanced upon this, so as a reminder to me, (hehehe!!) and to others out there, who feels the same, here goes:

 

Before, I used to gloss over my imperfections. Honestly, I was so self-conscious I developed a severe case of inferiority complex. I disliked everything about me. I was a very skinny child and I wasn’t exactly ‘blessed’ in certain areas. I grew up being reminded everyday by the people around me how beautiful my mom is, and that, I, didn’t inherit any of it. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom dearly, she’s the most beautiful, courageous woman I know, and I’m proud to be her daughter, but to be compared with such beauty, how does anyone fare? I struggled with my self-esteem. I’ve always felt that I was too fat dark. I’d often find myself wishing that I had fairer skin. If only I were a few more inches taller and bustier. My insecurities always get the better of me. They never seem to go away. The sadder thing is people can be harsh sometimes. They give criticisms at the drop of a hat. They pass judgment easily, with nary a thought on what you are feeling or going through.

That was then, believe me, it was a long and arduous process before I learned to accept and value my worth. It was a matter of coming to terms with who and what I am.  I know now what I have and don’t have. I’ve reached this state in my life where I’m very contented with myself. I realized that I have gifts and talents of my own, that I am indeed unique and special. I found my own identity, and that I am not just my “mother’s daughter”, I found ME.

            Loving ourselves starts with discovering our worth, and overcoming what stands in the way of doing so. When we humbly acknowledge our strengths and weaknesses, we no longer feel bad about who we are, and we no longer have to prove ourselves to others.

            I read once that a truly beautiful woman is one who is in love with God and cannot help but love those around her. And I believe that once you have mastered how to cultivate peace and joy within, it will shine forth and what people will see in you is the gentle radiance that comes from inside.

            Joyganda (I’m sorry, I just had to put that in), that’s how I would like people to call me (ask the people at the PIO office). Not that I suddenly turned conceited, but because I believe I am. I want to share a few lines from a song by Cristina Agulliera entitled “Beautiful”, I know this sounds cheesy, but nevertheless here it goes:

Every day is so wonderful

Now and then, I get insecure

From all the pain, I’m so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say

I am beautiful in every single way

Yes, words can’t bring me down

So don’t you bring me down today

            I’m not gonna lie, there are days that my insecurities still get to me, but in the end, it matters not what other people say or what society dictates. It matters not if you have a pretty face, but that you have a kind, beautiful heart and a pure, gentle soul that counts.

            Stay beautiful everyone! J

P.S.

This is my “Song for the moment. My comment: TRULILY!!!!”:

Ugly

Sugababes

When I was 7

They said I was strange

I noticed that my eyes and hair weren’t the same

I asked my parents if I was OK

They said you’re more beautiful

And that’s the way they show that they wish

They had your smile

So my confidence was up for a while

I got real comfortable with my own style

I knew that they were only jealous ‘coz

People are all the same

And we only get judged by what we do

Personality reflects name

And if I’m ugly then

So are you

So are you

There was a time when I felt like I cared

That I was shorter than everyone there

People made me feel like life was unfair

And I did things that made me ashamed

Cos I didn’t know my body would change

I grew taller than them in more ways

But there will always be the one who will say

Something bad to make them feel great

People are all the same

And we only get judged by what we do

Personality reflects name

And if I’m ugly then

So are you

So are you

Everybody talks bad about somebody

And never realises how it affects somebody

And you bet it won’t be forgotten

Envy is the only thing it could be

"Coz people are all the same

(The same, the same)

And we only get judged by what we do

(What we do, yeah, yeah)

Personality reflects name

And if I’m ugly then

(Yeah, you)

So are you

So are you